Have you ever looked for something so hard and for so long that you give up hope of it ever being found? And then, one day, just by chance you find what you had been searching for?
Several years ago I lost my wedding ring. My. Actual. Wedding. Ring. I spent several days tearing up my house, my car, my work space in search of the symbol of my unending love for my spouse, all without any results. Well, unless you count some loose change, a couple of smooshy pieces of gum and several broken Happy Meal toys. Inevitably, I came to the conclusion that the ring was lost in the abyss of nowhere-ness and that I was doomed to have a naked ring finger forever. Fast forward two years, we purchased a new couch for our living room and in the process of moving out the old and moving in the new, my wedding ring ever so casually dropped out of a small tear in the lining of my old couch. I stood speechless staring at the ring for what seemed like an hour before bending down to pick it up and placing it back in it’s rightful (or should that be “leftful”) place. And just like that I had my wedding ring back. Out of the blue I gained something that I had been striving for, but here is the kicker…I got it back without any effort on my part.
I had forgotten this story about my missing wedding ring until today. It came back to me as I sat in the audience watching one of my favorite 8-year-olds perform in a community theater performance of Frozen Jr. As I observed the scenes unfold I was instantly struck by the similarities between my story and Princess Anna’s…did you just roll your eyes? No?!?! Why not? If I was you and I read that sentence I would probably stop reading and exit my browser immediately. But since it appears you are going to stick it out and finish this post I think I need to explain two things: 1) Even though it is the year 2020 I have never seen the story of Frozen in any capacity, and 2) I have a deep seated apathy for all things princess. However, despite these facts or maybe because of them, God revealed himself in this story of misunderstood identity, unfulfilled longing, vulnerability and the courage to step out of your comfort zone for love. I saw rejection that I had received in my life in a new light and realized that although I had internalized the message, “you aren’t wanted,” the real message was, “I don’t know how to love you without hurting you.” The lie I believed was “you aren’t special enough to put the effort into loving.” The truth is “you were always loved, but sometimes the protection looked like rejection.” I. Lost. My. Crap.
In the spirit of complete transparency I think it is important to let you know that my word for the year is ARUKAH, which means wholeness, healing, completeness, redemption. I committed this year to healing through prayer, counseling, journaling, and self-reflection. As an enneagram 7 (aka the enthusiast) this process of revisiting past wounds and allowing truth to displace lies is HORR-I-BLE. I just want to focus on fun, joy, light and life. But I have made strides over the last several months and have had glimpses of this truth. And today God chose to remind me again of His love for me.
Just like the surprising gift of finding my wedding ring when I had given up hope, God gave me the gift of healing truth. It was unexpected. It was unearned. It was life-giving. It was what I needed without knowing it. The Bible says in Matthew 7:11, “So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him.”
How much more?
What are you asking Him for?
Do you believe He will bless you out of the blue? Not that He “can” but that He “will”?
What truths do you need Him to reveal so you can finally let go of the lies that shape how you view your identity?
Does your behavior show that you have faith in Him or faith in yourself?
You are the ultimate giver of good things. You know what we need even when we don’t. We want so much and view our needs through our own lens of selfishness. Help us to keep asking you for our heart’s desires even when it feels like you aren’t listening. Help us to trade indifference for a patient passion that isn’t tempered by situations, circumstances or our environment. Unveil your love for us to show your desire for relationship. Heal our hearts…out of the blue.
Redeemed & chosen. Wife. Mother. Nonprofit promoter. Lifelong explorer. Underdog advocate. Lover of all things bacon and coffee. Recovering perfectionist. Barre enthusiast. Master of bedtime bribes. ADHD hobbyist. Obsessed with words. Way Maker follower.